Wayne Dyer: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life – Chapter 76

Chapter 76: Living by Bending

“A person is born gentle and weak.
At death, they are hard and stiff.
All things, like grass and trees, are soft and pliable in life;
dry and brittle in death.
Stiffness is thus a companion of death.
Flexibility is a companion of life.
An army that cannot yield will be defeated.
A tree that cannot bend will break.
The hard and strong will fall.
The soft and supple will rise.”

— Tao Te Ching, Verse 76

Lao Tzu uses nature as a mirror: life is flexible; death is rigid. To live well, we must be willing to bend. The wind does not break the willow that yields; it breaks the oak that refuses to sway.

Wayne Dyer explains that this verse is a powerful metaphor for how we should approach challenges, change, and even confrontation. Rigidity in beliefs, identity, or habits often leads to pain or breakdown. Flexibility, on the other hand, aligns us with the Tao—fluid, adaptive, alive.

Bending does not mean weakness. It is strength expressed in a higher form: resilience, grace, humility, and the wisdom to flow with life rather than resist it.

Key Teachings

• Rigidity equals resistance, and resistance invites suffering.
• Flexibility fosters peace, endurance, and longevity.
• Yielding is not passive—it is wise responsiveness.
• Bend with change, and you remain rooted.
• Let go of the need to always be right, strong, or in control.

Actionable Steps: Living by Bending

1. Release the Need to Control
   • Identify an area in your life where you’re rigid or resistant (e.g., an argument, a plan, a routine).
   • Ask: “What would it mean to soften here?”
2. Practice Emotional Flexibility
   • When you’re upset, take 3 deep breaths and mentally say:
     “I choose to bend, not break.”
   • Choose curiosity over defensiveness.
3. Stretch Your Body Daily
   • Literally bend. Gentle stretching, yoga, or tai chi embody the spirit of this verse.
   • Let your physical body remind you how to flow.
4. Reframe Setbacks as Redirection
   • See challenges not as failures but as invitations to yield, learn, and adapt.
5. Stay Open in Conversations
   • Instead of reacting to opposing views, pause and listen.
   • Practice saying: “I hadn’t considered that. Tell me more.”

Mantra for Living by Bending

“I bend like the bamboo, rooted in peace.”

Repeat this whenever you’re tempted to dig in, fight back, or hold tight. Let the mantra return you to the soft strength of surrender.