Chapter 79: Living Without Resentments
“After a bitter quarrel, some resentment remains.
What can one do about it?
Being content with what you have
is always best in the end.
Someone must risk returning injury with kindness,
or hostility will never turn to goodwill.
So the wise always give without expecting gratitude.
One with true virtue never begrudges another.
The way of heaven is impartial.
It always sides with the good.”
— Tao Te Ching, Verse 79
Lao Tzu acknowledges a truth we all experience: even after a conflict ends, resentment can linger. He teaches that the only way to truly dissolve that bitterness is through forgiveness and non-attachment. The Tao doesn’t “keep score.” It flows impartially, always seeking harmony.
Wayne Dyer invites us to do what seems paradoxical: release resentment, even when we believe we were wronged. Not because the other person deserves it, but because you do—you deserve freedom from the burden of bitterness.
Letting go of resentment is not weakness—it’s strength. It’s not forgetting; it’s choosing inner peace over inner poison. It’s living aligned with the Tao, which always supports goodwill, not grievance.
Key Teachings
- Conflict leaves residue unless transmuted by forgiveness.
- True peace comes from letting go, not being “right.”
- Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.
- The Tao supports harmony, not blame or revenge.
- Holding on hurts you more than anyone else.
Actionable Steps: Living Without Resentments
- Recognise the Emotional Cost
- Ask yourself: “Is holding on to this helping me or harming me?”
- Name the resentment and be honest about how it affects your peace.
- Choose to Let Go, Even If You Can’t Forget
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean denying the hurt—it means freeing yourself from it.
- Affirm: “I release this not because they deserve it, but because I deserve peace.”
- Return Kindness for Injury (When Safe)
- If it’s appropriate and safe, respond to unkindness with dignity and love.
- Breaking the cycle of pain begins with one courageous act of softness.
- Forgive Without Needing Gratitude
- Let go of expectations. You may never receive an apology—and you don’t need one.
- The Tao gives without looking back.
- Practice Daily Emotional Clearing
- Before bed, reflect: Is there anyone I need to forgive today?
- Breathe deeply and visualise releasing the burden like dropping a heavy stone.
Mantra for Living Without Resentments
“I release all blame. I choose peace over pain.”
Say this when you feel wronged, triggered, or holding on. Over time, it will retrain your heart to favour healing over bitterness.
